Monday, February 1, 2010

Please - put the 'awards' back into the GRAMMY Awards

I have been mulling over and over in my brain what I was going to say about the GRAMMY Awards last night.

You know how hockey games are notorious for having numerous fights? And, you know the joke "I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out"? That's how I felt about the GRAMMY Awards.

I tuned in thinking that I was going to see the "music industry's biggest night of the year". What I saw was a televised concert at which the GRAMMY Awards broke out.

The night started off with a bang when Lady Gaga sang a fantastically quirky duet with Sir Elton John. But after that - it started going down hill.

Beyonce's performance was strange to say the least. Normally, one might think that a cross between Lady Gaga and Tina Turner would be phenomenal - but truthfully, Beyonce should stick to what she knows and not try to shock or rock. Single Ladies - that's hitting the ball out of the park. Stick to it.

After that, it became the 52nd Annual Snooze-Fest.

I watch for the awards and more importantly, for the acceptance speeches. Perhaps, because of that, I am in the minority. But, there were some key awards missing, which really just chapped my hiney. Instead, they were broadcast via the web during the 'preshow' in order to make way for more ... uhm ... "musical" acts - Like Bon Jovi.


I'm sorry - I have nothing against Bon Jovi. But, why in the hell were they there last night? "They're going to sing 3 songs with that chick from Rascal Chaps (or whatever) and the 3rd one is going to be audience choice - so go online to vote."


I was more concerned about not having my 3D glasses for the MJ tribute, not about voting on a Bon Jovi song.

Speaking of the MJ tribute - flawless. Could have done without the 3D, though. At least it would have been nice to know where I could have picked up glasses. I missed that memo.

Taylor Swift / Stevie Nicks duet = HORROR. Taylor Swift can barely sing in tune WITH her guitar, much less without it. And, what happened? She took the damned thing off. I looked on the bright side, though. It gave the audience a taste of what she really sounds like - a 20 year old who would be voted off of American Idol after the first week.

Ryan Seacrest - where were you when we needed you?

Yet, Taylor Swifty McSwifterson won one of the nights top honors [see left]. Jeez, thanks Kanye. You made her more famous with your stupidity at the MTV awards than she would have ever been. I hope Taylor sent you a muffin basket for that.

Here's a question: how in the world - or more importantly, WHY in the world - did someone transplant Liza Minnelli's voice into Roberta Flacks body? Sister was rough last night. ROUGH!

And finally - fasten your seatbelts, Chickens. You know where I'm headed: Andrea Bocelli.

Bocelli - Really? We had Placido Domingo there, but we had Bocelli singing, and Domingo presenting with MOS DEF?!?! [insert eye roll here]

David Foster - if you're out there reading this, I know you said on Oprah that you felt Bocelli was one of the best singers in the world and who am I to question your taste? Here's what: I hate to break the news, but his voice is faux. And, as I said to my facebook friends last night, it's faux opera - it's fauxpera.

Bocelli's voice reminds me of someone who is trying to mimic an opera singer. Sort of like when Jamie Foxx came out and was thinking he would be cute and funny by poking fun at opera and opera singers. Set Jamie Foxx pretending to be an opera singer next to Andrea Bocelli and they wouldn't sound terribly dissimilar.

Look, some people wonder how I can like Il Divo and not like Bocelli - they're all "classically sounding" singers who are making their living in the pop realm.

Here's the difference - Il Divo's handlers (a.k.a. Simon Cowell), know where their place is - they're the new generation of Popera. And while 3 out of the four members of Il Divo have actually sung in operatic productions, they don't claim to be opera stars or "legendary opera singers".

But, Bocelli - being introduced as "legendary opera star Andrea Bocelli" - is just a lie. He's not a legend and he's certainly not a star in the opera world. He's a concert artist with a classical (albeit manufactured) sound. It's like saying that Josh Groban is an opera star. It's just DD - Damn Dumb.

If you come to me and introduce him as "singing sensation Andrea Bocelli", I'll consider changing my opinion about him. Until then, I'm still intentionally going to put other CD's in front of his when I'm visiting the Barnes and Noble.

So, there you have it ladies and gents - my musings on the GRAMMY Awards. Hopefully, next year they'll put the 'awards' back into the GRAMMY Awards.


Rachel Velarde said...

YES - I get so tired of the auto-tuned sound of Glee and Taylor Swift. Also, whenever someone talks to me about Andrea Bocelli, I try to educate them on the fact that he is NOT an opera singer. The public would appreciate understanding what "real" opera is about (kudos for the fauxpera!!): witness the "Three Tenors" phenomenon in the early 90's. Wish we could have that back and not cheap imitations. Keep it up! You're fabulous.

Anonymous said...

Lol Bon Jovi was there cause they have a new album out, I guess. Not that that makes much sense either. And not that I care about the album. I'd actually rather not hear Jon Bon Jovi nasally whining his way through their "new material" nor attempting to hit the stuff he could back in 1986. But then again I'd rather not hear most of the people from yesterday. I guess you have much more interest in this than I seeing as how you wanted to watch actual awards being handed out to these people. It would have been nice to read who you thought deserved them the most.
Oh and Amen about Bocelli. I can't even begin to talk about him without asking the "Seriously?" question first.

Brad York said...

VERY well stated. Could not agree more!

Anne Walker said...

IT'S JUST DD!!!!!!!!!!!! DKB LIVES!!!! I could seriously hear your words all the way through the snow and only hope was that you found some opportunities to air band...cuz lord knows there wasn't much else to do!

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